First team 2015-16

Captain, Jordan Ellis

Full Name: Jordan Ellis

Born: 07/12/1993

Age: 20-22

Height: 5"11

Year Joined: 2012

Position: RB

Goals: 7

Honours: 2x UH Cup Winner, 2 x Macadam Cup Winner, 1 x LUSL Cup Winner, 1 x BUCS League Winner, 1 x LUSL Premier League Winner


Favourite Player: Thierry Henry

Interesting Fact: My back up for med school was to become a chef. Self proclaimed master chef and hands down the best in the kitchen in the whole of GKT. Form the best Islands in the Caribbean (St.Vincent and the Grenadines) and have a reputation for my love of rum. Infamous for having access to some of the world’s strongest rum, which almost makes gin not look so bad. After spending my first year as the only fresher in the 1’s. I had very bad second year syndrome and gained a reputation for carrying a “water” pistol to social events. Fortunately for this year’s freshers I have become a bit softer in my old age.

Captains Message: It has been 3 years since I received my first introductory message from the then 1’s captain Meesa Finney. Some of you may not know him but his legend lives on through chorus. I feel I must start by giving a special shout out to you bro! I would have loved to spend hours individually adorning every single player I have had the privilege to play with during my time at the club but there is probably some sort of character limit. I vividly remember the nerves at trials, throwing in an unnecessary step over or three trying to impress followed by my first taste of the queens finest. To the first time putting on the yellow and blue scoring a scuffed header in my debut probably securing my spot in the 1’s over the other fresher battling for the spot at the time (Nathan) no hard feelings… Playing for GKT is a lot more than just playing for a Uni football team. You have to embody the history of the club and do your upmost to preserve the reputation we have developed as a force in not only the medical school sphere but also the south east. Off the field it is the ancient ‘traditions’ and timeless anthems that make this club so special. Naturally players in the 1’s have always come with big personalities, combine this with the social atmosphere of the club and you have the ingredients for some unforgettable nights and hilarious stories! I have finally come full circle from that painfully quiet fresher I now have the honour of leading this great team this season. The squad is looking as strong as ever we have the perfect balance of experience and raw talent. I can’t wait to battle by your sides this year boys. I have already had so many of you saying this is our year, now its time to show me what you can do. In the eyes!



League Tables, 2015-16 Season

BUCS Football 2015-2016

South Eastern 3B





V LSE 1st (H) - Drew 2-2

Goal Scorers: Soile, Cartledge



V Hertfordshire 3s - Drew 2-2 

Goal Scorers: Barker, Wyatt



V Queen Mary 1st (H) - Loss 0-2

Goal Scorers: N/A



V Reading 1st (A) - Lost 2-0



V Hertfordshire 3s (H) - Won 6-1

Goal Scorers: Barker (4), Ellis, Pearson



V St Marys 1s (A) - Match Abandoned (Winning 1-3)

Goal Scorers: Wyatt (2), Barker






LUSL Football 2015-16

Premier Division





V UCL 1s (H) - Draw 1-1

Goal Scorer: Soile



V KCL 1s (A) - Won 1-6

Goal Scorers: Barker (3),

Wyatt, Sheehy, Carnochan



V LSE 1s (A) - Lost 4-3

Goal Scorers: Carnochan (2), Gardiner



V Queen Mary 1s (H) - Won 5-4

Goal Scorers: Barker (2),

Carnochan, Cartledge, Soile



V Imperial 1s (A) - Lost 4-1

Goal Scorer: Barker



V Goldmsiths 1s (H) - Draw 4-4

Goal Scorers: Barker (2), Pearson (2)

Cup Results, 2015-16 Season

United Hospitals Cup 2016



V Barts 1s (H) - Won 2-1

Goal Scorers: Bright, Barker



V Georges 1s (A) - Won - 0-1

Goal Scorer: Cartledge



V Barts 1s (A) Won 0-6 

Goal Scorers: 


UH Cup Winners 2016

LUSL Football 2015-16

LUSL Senior Cup



V UCL 1s (H) - Lost 2-6

Goal Scorers:

BUCS Football 2015-2016

South Eastern Conference Cup



V Chichester (A) - Won 1-2

Goal Scorers: Barker, Carnochan



V Portsmouth 1s (A) - Lost 5-0



GKT 1s vs Queen Mary 1s


After a strong run of performances and the luxury of a near full strength squad, GKT were ready and prepared for the challenge of Queen Mary. We arrived in good time, for once, and were able to have a solid warm up. The boys stocked up on their pre-match snacks/fluids, with Chris eating a banana which according to him had girth unlike he had ever seen before.


This led to strong start from GKT with great passages of interplay leading to a few early chances. The game had a nice flow, with both teams having good spells of possession. However, QM broke the deadlock with a goal against the run of play after their striker lost his defender and calmly finished into the bottom left hand corner. The remainder of the half saw more positive football from GKT and we were unlucky not to grab an equaliser.


We returned after half time with the belief that we could turn this game around. But this belief didn’t materialise as we never really got into a set rhythm. We played well in patches; however, few clear cut chances were made. They had a strong midfield with a few tricky players, which consequently led to a couple of our players taking a quick trip to Tesco’s.


QM were playing the better football. They pressured us into making rash decisions and forced Joe Jolly into making some excellent saves. Eventually they pressed home their advantage and added a second thanks to an unfortunate error from the right side of our defence. In an attempt to clear, Nathan smashed the ball against Jordan’s head. Jolly could only watch as it agonisingly looped into the corner of the net. A great finish in fairness, too bad it was at the wrong end of the pitch. In Jordan’s words, “at least I’m off the mark for the season… every goal counts.”


The rest of the game was fairly open as both teams began to show signs of tiredness. The referee blew his whistle, signalling the end of the game, a 2-0 defeat. A quick mention to Adam who constantly ran throughout and generally put in a great performance.


This was our first loss after a solid start to the season. Yet, we’ll take away some positives and will rest (those who aren’t going on tour) for our big away game against Portsmouth 1s.

GKT 1’s 2 V 1 Bart’s 1’s


Saturday saw the latest instalment of old rival’s GKT against Bart’s with some extra spice being thrown into the mixture following Wednesday’s game between the two sides where a controversial, some would say ridiculous, decision robbed GKT of a deserved victory.


This match was the first UH cup game of the season for GKT with the poor performance last season needing to be buried in history. From the offset the pitch was clearly going to be a hampering factor towards the free flowing football based approach of GKT and with Bart’s filling their side with enormous cloggers at kick off, perhaps the conditions favoured their more agricultural approach.


However, from the off it was GKT who made all the running with the ball being played around nicely. Unfortunately, a combination of a poor playing surface, mistimed/placed passes and some bad decisions meant good chances were at a premium. The central midfield of James Cartledge, Jamie Lindsay and Craig “Big Head” Wyatt were controlling the game without carving out any real opportunities. Wyatt, in particular, was being followed by a particularly large and talentless oaf who, although unable to play football, was making Craig’s life difficult through his close proximity.


The only good chance of the half fell to Patch who was played in by a magnificent pass over 40 yards by Matty Eccles. Bart’s offered precisely nothing in the first half thanks to good work by GKT’s defence comprising of Jordan, Harry, Eccles and Nathan and also thanks to their own ineptitude.


The second half kicked off much the same with GKT having most of the good play although Bart’s had brought their best player onto the pitch to replace one of the giants. This gave them more threat going forward but also opened up more space for GKT to exploit. All thre of the attacking players in Patch, Ed and Craig were having more joy now and the opener seemed inevitable. The first goal came from a corner and after a bit of a goal mouth scramble the finishing touch was applied emphatically by Harry Bright. It was Harry’s second goal in three games and following the assist in the previous game for the equaliser, some are questioning whether he isn’t at the wrong end of the pitch.


GKT tried to turn the screw and both Harry and Ed came close from anoAt this point, Tom James was introduced into the fold following an absence of four games. A few minutes later, he showed exactly what GKT had been missing, other than his great looks, when he was played in by Patch and a well executed turn was stopped by their defender’s hand. Penalty. Despite the protestations of this particular twat that the ball had hit his chest although I suppose such a lapse in anatomical knowledge is to be expected from a poor institution like Bart’s. Matt Barker stepped up to take the penalty and smashed it home, going for power after his last penalty was a rather feeble effort. It was Barker’s 11th goal in 6 games; what a guy.


Unfortunately, this two goal cushion seemed to put GKT into a deep sleep and they no longer used the ball as well. Bart’s were having much more possession and although they weren’t creating many chances they certainly held the upper hand. Their goal came after a long ball and an obvious push on Harry but in fairness, it was finished very well. They continued to probe but GKT came back a bit stronger with good work between Patch and Matt seeing the ball flash across the six yard box, a few agonising inches ahead of Craig and Ed. Joe Jolley produced a couple of fine saves, particularly one from a free kick and eventually the win was secured relatively comfortably.


It was a deserved victory for GKT in difficult conditions against particularly cunty opposition. It takes the unbeaten run to five games and it is a great start to this season’s UH campaign against the current holders.


In the eyes!

GKT 1s V UCL 1s at HOP


A light drizzle before kick-off greased the pitch in preparation for GKT 1’s LUSL league opener at the HOP.


The opening quarter was equally contested with both teams having moments in their opposition’s third. Clear cut chances were few, with attempts on goal being limited to shots from distance (a Lamb shank by the captain Ellis) and set pieces (who needs James).


UCL were gifted several chances thanks to the poor concentration of the GKT defence, but fortunately failed to capitalise (cause they’re pony). Before long GKT had their backs against the wall and a throw in at the corner flag provided a breakthrough for the away team. One thing led to another and the referee was pointing to the spot to the surprise of few. The penalty scored and with less than ten minutes until the half time break the 1s faced an uphill struggle to prevent their undefeated record at the HOP from becoming tainted.


A lack of alertness and a lack of desire to win the second ball had left the 1s chasing the game at the break. A return of the GKT huddle left the team determined to turn the game around and within minutes UCL were well and truly under the cosh. (Like a rash) GKT were all over UCL. They could barely keep the ball on the carpet let alone on the island, hoofing every loose ball with the force of a Joe Jolley Guy’s Bar hip thrust. An attack down the right led to GKT having an attempt at goal rebound off the woodwork into the 6 yard box only for the defence to scramble it off for corner kick. Sumni like a man possessed (his bird was watching) rose above the surrounding defenders and nodded the resulting set piece into the top left bin.


It was a dece moment. To be fair, the rest of the game was dominated by that of the GT first team, however the best chances actually fell to the opposition eleven. Two headers went agonisingly close to putting UCL in the lead but thankfully ended up in the bushes. At the end of the day, we did alright but a draw is probably a fair result.


1.5 deces out of 3.

KCL 1’s vs GKT 1’s


There’s no point beating around the bush, GKT 1’s destroyed KCL 1’s for what is already the second time this season. A pre season 5-0 win in the challenge cup meant GKT convened at Berrylands full of confidence, but aware of a potential backlash from a wounded KCL.


90 minutes of football later, a 6-2 demolition soon put the scum back where they belong and showed that GKT are still the top team at the university.


From the kick off GKT were on top, battling hard in the midfield preventing KCL’s playmakers getting on the ball and simply dominating in attack and defence. The huge support consisting of Craig’s Mum and her dog must’ve known early on that they were in for a treat. GKT soon took the lead as Craig walked through the middle of the KCL defence and slotted the ball calmly past the keeper. However, a frankly shocking decision from the ref to ignore the linesman’s flag with the striker yards offside brought the score back to 1-1. An almost equally odd decision at the other end allowed an offside Matt B to challenge for a header from an offside position before Patch swept the ball in after some scrappy stuff in the six yard box. One hoped that would be the end of the refs horror show, but he managed to top it all with a bewildering penalty decision, meaning the score was 2-2 at half time despite GKTs total dominance.


The frustration was clear at half time, but KCL would need more than a dodgy ref to keep in touch with GKT in the second half. Their CBs decision to shove Adam in the back gave Matt B his second from the penalty spot, before Ed scored with a nice run in from the left wing and a solid (albeit deflected) strike. KCL then had their best spell of the game, although never really threatened. With 20 minutes to go GKT took over again, taking advantage of the space opening up with KCL tiring and keener on fighting with each other than trying to play football. Matt B scored a big strike from the edge of the box before completing a hat trick by finally putting away a header. To be honest it could easily be more.


Another notable moment was the return of Harry to the fold after the longest known layout ever caused by a dead leg (blame the diabetes). His 60 second cameo, after James’ heart decided 89 minutes of football was enough for the day, provided one dominant header which put him in with a late shout for man of the match, but that credit has to go to the hat trick hero Matt B. Also, a quick acknowledgement of Adam, who’s temporary hiatus because of work load has thankfully come to an abrupt end (but will still require suitable recompense).


So a great win means GKT have 4 points after 2 games in the LUSL league and with other teams dropping points all over the place this is hopefully the start of a season where we can again challenge for the title. 2.5 dece out of 3 (would be 3 if the ref hadn't caused us to miss out on a clean sheet)

GKTFC 1’s v QM 1’s


After a couple of weeks without any football due to adverse weather conditions, GKT were back in action this Saturday with their first LUSL cup match of the season against QM who, as their defenders were keen to repeatedly point out in the first few seconds of the game, had beaten GKT 2-0 about a month ago.


Unfortunately for them, GKT went 1-0 up in about 90 seconds, much to their chagrin. The goal came from an inswinging corner from Ed which evaded everyone and sneaked in at the far post, nestling in the corner. Smashing stuff. This galvanised the troops and GKT started the game like a house on fire. The attacking trio of Jordan, Patch and Ed were causing the QM defenders all sorts of problems whilst James and Craig in midfield had their best games of the season, completely controlling the middle of the park. Some of the football played was Grimsby-esque at times; it was that good.


QM failed to threaten very much at all but suddenly found themselves granted a lifeline after Joe Jolley made a poor left footed clearance to one of their midfielders. From a good 35 yards out, their player lofted the ball back towards the goal and whilst for much of the three minutes the ball was in the air travelling it looked like Joe had it covered, a combination of wind and hangover conspired to make Joe miss it completely and end up in the goal along with the ball. 1-1.


Undeterred, GKT continued with their quick, attacking football and created several good opportunities, particularly coming from the wings where both full backs, Nathan and Sunmi, were ably assisting the players further forward. Not before long this was rewarded. Another inswinging Ed corner was this time met by James after a darting run to the near post and a neat header into the bottom corner. 2-1 and looking by far the better side. GKT continued with their dominance and QM again didn’t cause many real problems as both Jamie and Matt Eccles were defending manfully against their handful of a striker.


However, they were again granted a lifeline, this time from the referee, in the form of a dubious penalty decision given against Patch for handball. Dispatched with aplomb, GKT found themselves on level terms again and feeling rather hard done by. As was the pattern in the first half, GKT continued with their good passing football, looking very confident on the ball and knocking it around nicely. Craig Wyatt was reminiscent of a young Craig Disley (Grimsby captain obvs), albeit with shorter legs and a bigger head. The pressing and probing continued with Jamie and Patch both hitting the bar and Matt Barker hitting the side netting with a header after great work from Jordan down the wing. Their advantage was restored before long after Jamie carried the ball out of defence and played a superbly weight ball over the top into the run of The Bear who just about smashed it home with his left foot which was nearly torn off minutes earlier from a horrendous tackle.


This was the way it remained until half time, 3-2 at the interval.


GKT started the second half, after some encouraging words from Jordan and James, in very much the same vein as they started the first half. Before long, another corner resulted in Patch getting his head to the ball in the area creating chaos in the area and Sunmi, who is undoubtedly the most prolific left back in world football right now, scored with a looping header into the far post. Unfortunately, getting a two goal cushion for the first time caused GKT to fall asleep a bit and have their worst spell of the match. A well worked move from QM was converted at the near post and the game was interesting once more.


But this year GKT are made of stern stuff and they hit back almost immediately to restore the two goal cushion. Some great interplay between Patch and Jordan on the right hand side presented Matt Barker with a chance in the six yard box which he tucked away in typical slow motion. 5-3. The game was fairly equal from this point with both teams creating some chances although, truthfully, it was QM who maybe had the better of the play. A long ball over the top and some confusion in the GKT defence saw the onrushing Joe Jolley lobbed to make it 5-4. GKT weren’t quite playing the scintillating football that they had earlier in the game and it was only some good punches from Joe and good defending from the back four that prevented an equaliser.


GKT finished the game professionally and saw out large spells with possession football until the whistle blew and the last 16 was reached. Overall, 2 deces out of 3. Some fantastic football was played at times and GKT looked dangerous going forward but shipping 4 goals could have proved costly on another day. But it was a highly entertaining game for Harry, our most committed and perennially injured superfan/linesman.


Man of the match was James Cartledge with an utterly dominant performance belying his 36 years of age. Back to winning ways, long may it continue!

Chichester 4’s vs GKT 1’s (2-1 win)


After a run of three draws, an injury ravaged squad assembled in Boland house early on Wednesday morning for the long trip to play Chichester away in the BUCS cup, looking to secure the win and consequent progression into the next round. After the arduous journey, both to get to the university and to find the changing rooms, we finally got to the pitch, where the sun was beating down and Chichester were warming up with what looked like enough players to field two separate teams.


After a brief warm-up and some inspirational words from our captain, leader and legend that is Jordan Ellis (he is finally getting the whole motivational huddle malarkey), we were ready to kick off. It was clear from the outset that the match was going to be a battle, with Chichester frequently resorting to the long ball forwards from their centre backs, one of whom looked like Martin Skrtel’s twin. This was no problem for the defence though, with Matt Eccles being as reliable under the aerial bombardment as his lanyard was at keeping his ID safe in Guy’s Bar later that evening.


After twenty minutes GKT were slightly edging the match, winning more of the first and second balls around the pitch and showing patches of nice interplay. Finally the breakthrough came, with some nice play down the right wing earning a GKT corner which James trotted over to put in. Instead of his normal corner, James drove the ball in low along the ground, something he assures us was intentional due to Chichester being a rather tall team, and after a brief moment of pinball within the box Matt Barker cooly slotted the ball into the bottom left hand corner. The remainder of the first half passed with few moments of significance, however GKT did slack off a little and Chichester were getting a bit more of a foothold within the game. After half-time GKT came out refreshed and with renewed determination to regain control over the game.


Unfortunately this did not occur, and instead for the first fifteen minutes of the second half the team was under heavy pressure. The pressure eventually told, with their left winger beating a man out wide before cutting it back one of their midfielders on the edge of the box who, after putting numerous members of the team on their backsides with a clever fake shot, put it past the despairing Joe Jolley. At this point the game could have gone either way, and fortunately thanks to a brilliant piece of play from Ed down the left wing it went the way of GKT. After receiving the ball from a simply sublime through ball from a kick out of Joe’s hands, he cooly brought the ball down before taking a touch inside and bending his shot past the Chichester keeper and inside the far post, restoring the one goal advantage. The remaining twenty minutes of the game were extremely hard fought, with most of the work being done without the ball.


Occasionally we caught them on the counter attack and possibly should have been more efficient with the ball to put the game to bed. One highlight was Dan running at their right back and completely bamboozling him with quick feet and changes of direction, eventually resulting in him being well and truly sent to Tesco’s. Rumours have it he is still there now. In the final five minutes of the game came the only real scare of this period, and it came from a Chichester corner. The ball was swung in to the back post and their centre back rose to powerfully header the ball towards the goal. Thankfully, Joe Jolley’s insistence on having people on both posts (many thought this was just due to him getting lonely throughout the game) meant that Craig was there thigh the ball away, and eventually clear the ball when it came back in. A crucial intervention, and one which James would argue was maybe his only throughout the entire game as he was regaining his breath.


Eventually the referee blew the final whistle and the siege was over, with GKT securing the win and a place in the second round of the BUCS cup. All in all it was not the classiest game of football the team will ever play, however it was important to get back to winning ways and made the fun bus back to London a much more merry occasion.


Roll on Portsmouth 1’s in the next round!

Portsmouth 1s v GKT 1s 11th November 2015


This is a long one, sorry I couldn't stop myself (not unlike an undisclosed member of the team with my daughter Kara).


It was a brisk November morning and the minibus ride down to Portsmouth was one of quiet contemplation of the day ahead; with Nathan reading a sizable novel and others listening to their favourite selection of 'sexy choones' as the already noted player later put it. Dan's customary fact was a dece one this week - according to him (well probably Soph) 10% of all photos ever taken were taken last year. As we neared the ground Matty 'Lanyard' Eccles rather eloquently explained to the team that Portsmouth was "more of a shithole than Manchester". High praise from the northerner.


We finally arrived at the venue and excitement filled the air as it became apparent we had been allocated a female changing room (norty). What's more it was rather sizable and with the help of Captain Leader Legend's speakers and Alan Titchmarsh's smashed iPhone a plethora of motivational sexy choones filled the changing room. The interim manager continued to rally his troops with a rousing speech entitled "I am a champion" to which only James Cartledge seemed vaguely enthused. This seemed to backfire, however, when their actual manager decided to ridicule the team by likening our warm up to that of a Sunday league outfit, what a knob. Some final tactically astute remarks including "the ref is welsh - no sheep jokes" and "at least we'll get a good degree" were muttered and the game kicked off.


Immediately it was obvious we were up against a class, well organised outfit. A president was set for how the game would go early on - essentially they passed the ball around and we ran after it. It didn't take long for Portsmouth to strike for the first time as one of their players walked through our ever so slightly stretched midfield and under little pressure stroked it in to the bottom corner. It was a poor goal to give away but to the team's credit a goal of such ease didn't happen again. A second immediately followed as their right back overlapped and put in a nice cross which was finished exquisitely by a player arriving late (obligatory mention of Frank Lampard for a player arriving late into the box). It was a very good goal to which very little could have been done to stop it. As the half drew to a close GKT had perhaps their best passage of play in the game as Ed Carnochan (co-founder of the now infamous game Brarnochan) beat his man and put in a exception cross to which Hydro almost scored a fantastic header but unfortunately, after leaving the keeper watching and praying, bounced heartbreakingly off the far post.


At the break the team were rightfully pleased with how they had done but knew the second half would be another tough test. The second half began and stamped their authority on the game again. There were enough trips to a well known grocery store to feed a small army (even with the new 5p bag charge which is too much for a humble student budget) with all but one of the said trips coming from a GKT player. The exception does deserve to be noted, however, as Ed Carnochan managed to beat 12 of the opposition's 11 players. Sunmi was amazed by this show as he exclaimed with cries of "TESCO" and "SOILE NOT". Despite signs of fight from GKT including a frankly terrible tackle by James Cartledge, a goal saving decision by James Tevenan, a decent tackle by Captain Leader Legend (the picture of which he has been showing off on Facebook like a new James Morrison) and a one-on-one chance blazed over the bar by Hydro it was not to be GKT's day.


Portsmouth continued to pile on the pressure and came away with three more goals in the second half. The first of which was a freekick which Joe Jolley will be disappointed with himself for letting in - although not as disappointed in himself as he should be for abusing, along with sick note, my flat. The second was a deflection which left horizontal stripes rooted to the floor and the third a pretty well worked corner touched in at the near post. The final whistle blew at 5-0 which in my opinion was between fair and flattering for them considering their lack of chances and a couple of chances which, on another day, could have gone in for us. The work rate all over the pitch left nothing to be desired and no one could fault the determination and resilience of the team.


In our big BUCS Cup game I think we did our lone fan from Sheffield proud and I have no doubt his away day was an experience he'll never forget. There were some positives to come out of the day: Joe got to see Dan topless again and also learnt how to use the word "wasteman" in conversation, Brarnochan got two more rules (dedicated to Kara Lindsay and Sunmi Soile), James Cartledge made it to his 9th anniversary relatively sober, and hydro lost his notes to a rather nice bottle of Cabernet Sauvignon.


3 deces for effort, 1.5 for performance and 2.5 for Guy's Bar turnout.